It wasn't a coincidence that Esther met up with me in the afternoon today. Definitely wasn't a coincidence that i read it only today when the email was sent out yesterday. it was God's way of reassuring me. His way of telling me that He knows what i'm struggling with and He feels the pain i feel.

I'm not strong enough but by God's grace, the strength that He has given me has sustained me so far. I'm surprised that i did not shed a tear.

The only way I can be free of these negative feelings that are weighing me down is if i commit them to God and trust that He will provide. How can i not, when He has brought me out of my darkest times? God's plans for me are perfect and pleasing and i need only to know that.

I have no clue what my next step is. It scares me just thinking about the possible options. But God is bigger than any of these worries or issues that stand in my way. to get out of this emotional roller coaster, I have to trust with all my heart.




i'm sorry that i struggle to open up. i'm sorry that i choose to turn away. i'm sorry that even when you guys showed me love, i didn't dare to reach out. i really am. but i'm so, so thankful for all of you. i truly am.