Thursday, 19 January 2012

The rules of attraction

These days, people write songs about almost anything in the world.

For a while, i stopped listening to secular songs, hoping to avoid the ache in my heart. It's as if, for every relationship (that includes friendships), every event, every special moment, there's a song that sings the words in our hearts. and there really is, isn't there? :)

I'm glad that i can now embrace the songs i once avoided. that they remind me not of the hurt, but of the beautiful memories we've created together.

anyway! this is a really nice song i came across. no, not that it sings the words in my heart. that's not the only reason why pple fall in love with songs!

Today has been a great day. just being reminded that no matter the choices we make, God's will will be done anyway. (nope, not a typo). The beautiful thing about life is that God blesses us with free choice. But sometimes we're tempted to use that free choice to disobey God. when that happens, one embarks on the treacherous journey which will eventually lead us to the very same place if we had obeyed God. except that, on so many levels, obeying God is more comfort and less pain.

So, am i prepared to step out of my comfort zone in order to honour God?

Monday, 9 January 2012

Almost Goodbye.

It's almost time to say goodbye again! The day didn't start off too well, i'm falling ill again. but thankfully, i had good company. HTHT, mini shopping trip. great way to take my mind off everything! excited bout my new purchases! and mad excited about the haircut i'll be getting tmr!

Feel so blessed to have friends who never fail to cheer me up. friends who stand by me, even when I'm the ybee that overthinks, the ybee that feels too much, the complex ybee who has too many stories to tell.

Thank God for the special people who are willing to sit next to me and just, be there.

Thank God for friends who know me, and love me anyway.

I can't believe my 4 weeks back in Singapore has passed by so quickly. Thank God for new encounters with Him during my time back home. Thank God for new opportunities to grow in Him, for new friendships He has so graciously blessed me with. Thank God for helping me build stronger bonds in church. Thank God for setbacks that bring me closer to Him. Thank God for what He has done and what He is about to do, especially in 2012. Am so, so encouraged by what i heard at church on Sunday. so amazing to feel an outpouring of love from God. i love feeling special to God. I love feeling so loved and treasured. Man's love may fail but God's love will never. My heart belongs to God alone.

this trip home has been truly amazing.

Most thankful for
1) amazingg times at church, especially with E and M!
2) awesome possum study/bonding times with B and G
3) met G's L!
4) met E's P!
5) hthts with P and C
6) Christmas, New years and Daddy's birthday with family

very thankful for blossoming friendships over the course of the past month!

thank God for being my shield and my shelter, my hope and my one true desire.

Saturday, 7 January 2012

It wasn't a coincidence that Esther met up with me in the afternoon today. Definitely wasn't a coincidence that i read it only today when the email was sent out yesterday. it was God's way of reassuring me. His way of telling me that He knows what i'm struggling with and He feels the pain i feel.

I'm not strong enough but by God's grace, the strength that He has given me has sustained me so far. I'm surprised that i did not shed a tear.

The only way I can be free of these negative feelings that are weighing me down is if i commit them to God and trust that He will provide. How can i not, when He has brought me out of my darkest times? God's plans for me are perfect and pleasing and i need only to know that.

I have no clue what my next step is. It scares me just thinking about the possible options. But God is bigger than any of these worries or issues that stand in my way. to get out of this emotional roller coaster, I have to trust with all my heart.

i'm sorry that i struggle to open up. i'm sorry that i choose to turn away. i'm sorry that even when you guys showed me love, i didn't dare to reach out. i really am. but i'm so, so thankful for all of you. i truly am.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Blueberry Crumble on a sad night

It was so good to spend the afternoon baring my heart out to B. :) am so thankful that she's always willing to lend a ear! Dinner with 01-ers was great, it's nice to see everyone again and catch up. somehow, it made me realise just how much i've missed our class. gim's such a joy, as always. <3

Although i had a wonderful time, all it took was that to take it all away. sigh. i wish i was stronger. I wish i knew what to do. I wish i had someone i would feel comfortable talking about it to. someone i could trust it with.

i'm tired.

Blueberry crumble!

looking forward to busy days ahead. yawns.

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Christmas 2011

It's so easy to get lost in the gift-giving and the wine-drinking that people forget what Christmas should really be about! it was good to be at church today and just giving thanks for Jesus Christ. how do you wrap the greatest gift of all - the gift of perfect love, salvation and eternal life?

God's greatest blessing to me has to be a loving family. :) so thankful! made a very simple dinner to share God's love with my family. :) was soooo glad to spend time with DJ and bro before the rest came! am so blessed to have them to encourage me in my walk with God. :)

Smoked salmon salad 

Pizza casserole

"mouth watering mushrooms!!"

Nacho cheese fries

Log cake! (nope, i didn't bake it!)

Aww, look how happy my parents are! HAHAHAHAH. <3

sooo happy that everyone loved their gifts! :D 

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Saturday, 10 December 2011

Why I love Jesus

I didn't bake, but i just really wanted to write something in here. it's been so long since i last felt so burdened. It's just days to home but the past two days have been quite a struggle. Today, serving at the soup kitchen made me very grateful for God's love. it made me realise just how fortunate i am that i know God personally.

My life has changed 180 degrees since i gave my life to God. God has done some great things in the past for me even before i knew Him but since i took that step towards Him, He has shown me more grace and more love than I could possibly imagine. It's like watching channel 8 and thinking it's real good and you're satisfied with it. you dont really understand what the hype about cable TV is and you don't see the need for it because you like channel 8 enough. but actually, that's because you've never given a chance to cable TV.  Of course, God can do much much more than what cable tv can. but it is just an analogy. God's love is unconditional. it is more than sufficient, it is so overwhelming and so real that I never ever want to be without Him. I don't ever want to be away from Him and all i long for is to live for Him. I've made some decisions in the past which i deeply regret. and sometimes it makes me feel so ashamed to be in the presence of God. but God always reminds me that the blood of Jesus has cleansed me. I'm saved and made whole again because of Jesus Christ my Saviour.

Oh, precious is the flow
that makes me white as snow
no other fount i know,
nothing but the blood of Jesus. 

1 John 1:7 says, "But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin"

The past semester has been filled with personal experiences with God which has brought me so much closer to Him. I'm so thankful that each time i take a step towards Him, He takes many more towards me. He longs for us the way we long for Him. and it never fails to amaze me just how real He is. the God we serve is a living God.

just feel so thankful that my life has reached a point that i know in my heart that i desire for God to rule in every single part of my life and I long to desire for the things God desires for me. but it really hasn't been easy. every struggle is a challenge that God has placed in my life so that i may grow closer to Him. but each time i struggle, there is a chance that i must stumble and fall. and it really scares me. My life has changed so dramatically that looking back scares me.

I try mighty hard to put the past behind me.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come!"

but it hasn't been easy. Many times i've been tempted to turn back to my old ways and go back to my old life. only because it seemed like it was the easier way out. but God brings me back to Him, always always. and today was the same. it felt too familiar. i couldn't let it consume me the way it used to. and it didn't because God saved me again, the moment i decided to fall on my knees and ask for His peace to rule in my heart and for Him to be with me. He picked me up just like he did when i was so broken, when everyone turned their backs, when it seemed like the night was never gonna end and the day was never gonna come, God came and gave me His love. I was so broken but He gave me comfort and shelter. If only everyone knew the depths of His love for us.

there is so much i miss about my old life. the people and the times i've had. It's hard having to face how these changes are affecting many areas of my life but I know God has a perfect and pleasing plan for me. so i trust in Him and i trust in His plan,. even if i can't see them now.

There really isn't a thesis statement in this blog entry. neither is there a picture of anything i baked. i started off the post talking about the struggles i've been going through in the past days but i havent actually said what they were. I've shared some very intimate details about my life in this entry and i'm aware that this is a public blog (which in any case, not many people know of anyway). but I wanted to share God's love with you. and i hope that if you haven't yet come to know how great our God is, that you eventually will.

I dont like saying "i'll pray for you". but i'll say, "i've prayed for you".

lastly, let me share this wonderful song!

Ever doubted yourself and felt so lost? God created each and everyone of us with a purpose. Nothing that happens in our life is a "coincidence".

In God's love,

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Black Magic Cupcakes with Chocolate ganache

Wow, what an exciting week! spending time together with cat was amazing. I am so blessed to have a friend like her. I hate defining friendships and i dont believe in that. but cat is definitely a true blue BFF. <3 i went to london on tuesday excited about being with Cat in her journey but God had more in store for us. just sitting at her kitchen and being able to bare my heart out to her, i just felt really fortunate. I love that I can share with her about God even though she hasn't yet accepted Christ. I love that she tries to understand my love for God. :) 

so i reached nottingham late at night on wednesday and it definitely wasn't a good time to take the bus home from the city. it made me sad to see young people along the streets, drunk and doing silly things because they've lost control. but thankfully nothing bad happened.

Thursday morning i started the day baking for Reason for the Season. i have to say, they're not the least pretty. but i guess it was the best i could do. 

Thursday at impact was amazing. I had such a personal experience with God. it's hard to share it here in a public blog but it's times like these that i know in my heart that the God i serve is so real and so alive and He loves me so much that each time i choose to take a step towards Him, He showers me with His love. 

Btw, Carol service this sunday evening! <3 am soo excited. and look at the pretty lights!

Today has been a good day. but i guess i just allowed the negativity to creep in. just feeling a little low right now. oh God i need You right now!